Building Self-Confidence

Building Self-Confidence

If you want to be more self-confident, it is far more effective to EARN self-confidence than it is to LEARN self-confidence.

How do you EARN self-confidence? Here are some suggestions:

1. Do something, and do it PERFECTLY.

Pick a task that is well within your ability to accomplish, and do it perfectly to completion.

For example, clean your car. But just don’t clean it. REALLY clean it - the outside, the inside, the dash, the tires, the trunk, the glove compartment. Clean, vacuum, wax, polish, shine. Make that bloody car look like it came out of a show room!

You can also pick something else such as cleaning the bathroom, organizing your files, painting a room, etc. Use your imagination.

The main points to remember here are to keep the task manageable (well within your limits – nothing too difficult), do it perfectly, and do it to completion.

The more times you do this, the more your sense of self-esteem will grow. You will be EARNING your self-confidence by DOING.

2. Learn something that you have absolutely no experience in.

The keys here are – you have no prior experience (or very little), and you set a time goal that you stick to.

For example, take an acting class for three months. Or take a language course, a martial arts class, dancing lessons, etc. You do not have to become an expert. Since you have little or no experience, you will only get better if you keep at it for a period of time. NEVER compare your progress to that of other people! Just improve at it and watch your sense of self-confidence grow.

3. Exercise!

If you do not already – EXERCISE! This is probably the single best way to improve your self-image and your health!

4. Stop destructive habits.

If you engage in destructive habits such as smoking, over eating, substance abuse, etc, it will be extremely difficult for your to feel self confident. Begin in earnest to rid yourself of bad habits and your sense of worth and self-confidence will increase proportionately. People who are in control of their lives tend to be the most self-confident.

5. Do something nice for someone.

Do a good deed every day. Nothing major. Just be nice to someone. Let that car enter your lane in front of you. Hold a door open for someone. Smile and say hello to the cleaning lady. Practice the so-called “random acts of kindness”. Every time you do something nice, your subconscious says to itself, “Hey, we are really a nice guy after all.” Then the subconscious starts to think, “Since we are a nice guy, we deserve the nice things in life.” Try it. You’ll feel better.

6. Learn to say, “No.”

If you find yourself doing things you would rather not do simply because you found it difficult to say no, then I recommend the book, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. Learn to assertively decline people’s requests. The keys here are – be firm and polite. The book does a great job of describing how to accomplish this.

7. Get rid of all your unflattering clothes.

Discard or give to charity any clothes that look lousy on you. You may think that it’s okay to wear lousy clothes in your home when you are alone. After all, who would see you? Well, you would see you every time you look in a mirror. Sure, be comfortable, but ditch the torn, ill-fitting, worn, and stained clothes. Keep just a few lousy clothes for painting and outdoor work. That’s it.

8. Do something that improves your appearance.

Some examples - get a great haircut, whiten your teeth, get lasik surgery and ditch the eye glasses. You can also get a cool pair of sunglasses or a nice watch.

9. Get out of debt, save money.

What does this have to do with self-confidence? Imagine inheriting a few million dollars. How would you feel when you walked down the street? Now, imagine being in debt over your head and living from paycheck to paycheck. How do you feel now? A big difference, huh? Do your best to eliminate debt, especially credit card debt. Do not be a wage slave for the bloody banks! Start saving money regularly. The key here is to steadily build your financial assets. Automatic plans like a 401k are good. Long term, financial freedom should be your goal.

10. Make small talk to strangers.

Increase your social skills by making small talk to strangers. This especially helps if you are shy approaching women. Make small talk to attractive women whenever you can even if it’s just a sentence or two. Keep it light and friendly and disengage quickly unless you sense you stumbled on a prime opportunity. This is just practice and the more you practice the more natural it will be for you to approach women in social settings and engage them in conversation.

11. Be a man (or woman) of your word.

Do not make promises lightly, and do not break your promises. Think twice before you say you are going to do something. If you have trouble saying “no” to people, refer to point #5. Being trustworthy and honest builds respect. Your word should be your honor. When it is, your word will count for something.

There are some exceptions to this rule. It is perfectly okay to change your mind under these conditions:

1. The situation surrounding your decision has changed significantly.

2. You made a decision based on incomplete information.

3. Someone deceived you or is trying to take advantage of you.

4. Someone is trying to harm you.

Beyond these exceptions, you should endeavor to make decisions wisely and to make promises sparingly and with discretion. Be a man of your word.

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That’s it for now. Sometime in the near future I’ll add to this list. Start one step at a time. As you progress in the steps above, don’t be in a rush. Don’t get angry or frustrated at yourself for not getting along faster. That’s just the devil in you. Ignore him. Be a man, hang in there, and you will make steady progress. Good luck to you.

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